Luke was cannon-balled out of slumber by the sudden presence of one hundred-and-fifty pounds of hound landing on his back.
Facedown atop a supremely soft mattress with his arms stretched wide and his head hanging off the foot of the bed, it took him a second to rally his speech center. “What the actual bloody hell,
Bolt?”
Bolt ignored him, bouncing around Luke’s body, pitching him side to side, up, down, up, down.
“For feck’s sake.” What the double bloody hell was Bolt on about with all the yapping and yipping and bashing of Luke’s kidneys with his big paws?
Luke rolled onto his back. “Enough, Bolt. Sit.”
Eyes closed, he batted a hand at his hound, warding off the canine’s attempts to lick his face. “Go chase a squirrel, will you? Crikey.”
Bolt whined and smacked one large paw down upon Luke’s bare chest. Ouch. “Duuude,” he drawled. “Chill.”
Fingers snapped, silencing his dog lickety-split. Bolt plopped down next to him, tail thwacking against Luke’s leg right where his board shorts ended above the knee.
He elbowed his dog in the side. “Cut it out, cur.” Hold on. Snapping fingers… Who possessed the ability to boss his animal around and convince the stubborn bugger to obey?
Only one person in any dimension wielded this kind of puppy power. But no, it can’t be her. She’d made it clear he remained persona non grata in her life with her recent no-show in the Underworld.
With his heartbeat jackhammering in his chest, he sucked in a deep breath, soaking in the unique floral scent of the woman who broke his rarely used heart, hoping this was no mere post-party hallucination.
“Gabrielle,” he whispered. God’s messenger and elite warrior, the angel he’d admired and cherished. “Elle.” The woman he’d let down, and who ultimately walked away.
A grin spread over his face and happy chills frolicked down his body.
“Angel baby. You’re here.” He cranked open his eyelids to gaze up at her in wonder.
Lightning crackled in the depths of her glittering green eyes as she loomed over him, her unhappy expression promising pain. Yep, his angel was clearly not as thrilled as he was about this unexpected reunion.
Years of yearning crashed to the forefront. He ached to caress her smooth, cloud-pale skin, to bury his fingers in the long fire-red hair she always kept swept up in a high ponytail. Memories surged, of her curves pressed against him while they kissed under the stars in Faerie, of her wicked strong legs wrapped around his torso while they made love against his castle wall, on the spiral staircase, in the sky—
A snarl escaped his angel’s throat, and her arm shot downward, her fingers of steel snagging him by the throat and squeezing his windpipe.
“Luke.” She uttered his name as if it were the vilest curse word in any dimension, then lifted him with little effort and slammed him up against the wall…
Giveaway & Guest Post – Lady Reaper by Christina Bauer @XpressoTours @CB_Bauer
Lady Reaper
Christina Bauer
(Angelbound Origins, #10)
Published by: Monster House Books
Publication date: November 12th 2022
Genres: Fantasy, Young Adult
Young Myla and Lincoln Kick Ass and Take Names in This Prequel Novella for REAPER GAMES!
A part-demon girl fights Lady Reaper
Myla Lewis is a sixteen-year-old part-demon girl who fights evil souls in Purgatory’s Arena… and she’s always looking out for a good battle against evil. Enter Lady Reaper, the famous ghoulette who wields both a scythe and nefarious intentions. Myla discovers Lady Reaper will soon visit the Demon Woods ‘ride’ at Purgatory’s Annual Lust Festival. Time to visit the fest, kick ass and take names, right? Wrong. Lady Reaper has other plans for Myla and her bestie, Cissy…A part-angel prince faces the Grim Reaper
Lincoln is a seventeen-year-old part-angel prince who protects humans from the denizens of Hell. On a routine trip to Earth, Lincoln uncovers clues that his best friend, Walker, might be allied to an evil ghoul named the Grim Reaper. Things go downhill from there…***A 20,000-word novella***
Publisher Note: Originally, LADY REAPER was a full novel. However, the author fell ill with COVID and gave us this prequel novella instead. We have since locked Ms. Bauer into the basement with a charger cord, MacBook Pro and carton of Theraflu. Therefore, the full and epic conclusion of this story will definitely be delivered in the next release, REAPER GAMES.
Goodreads / Amazon / Barnes & Noble / iBooks / Kobo / Google Play
I am excited to have Christina Bauer here to share her thoughts about her cover. The title of the post had me laughing out loud and I had to read on to find out what the hell happened.
How I Got Shit-Canned By My Old Cover Artist – The Story of the Lady Reaper Cove
By Christina Bauer
As part of the launch tour for my new book, Lady Reaper, the lovely folks at Fundinmental have asked me to share anything I can about the cover for Lady Reaper. So, here goes.
There was an artist I worked with since my very first cover. We did some great work together, although sometimes it took quite a few revisions to get things to where I was happy. But once it was all done, I’d look at the covers and think, Dang, I kicked her ass a lot on this but the final cover is so lovely… and she’s posting it a ton of places while saying she’s so happy with it… therefore, she must be as cool as I am with all this. We have a truly strong working relationship.
Now, I knew I was high-maintenance with what I wanted, so I paid double her regular rate. I figured that made it all good.
Damn, was I ever wrong.
It was during the work on the cover that would become Reaper Games (book 11) that the artist told me to take my business elsewhere because I was high-maintenance and pushed my vision over hers. Specifically, I was being a pain in the ass that Myla’s tail was coming out of her ass in a way that looked like poop. True story.
In retrospect, I probably should have read the cues and left a lot earlier—to save us both wear and tear. In the end, I found a new artist that’s delivered the Lady Reaper and Clockwork Igni covers. So far, revisions have been minimal. It’s also less money, not that it’s all about money… but it’s not-NOT all about money, either.
Just because I liked the final work—and maybe the artist said she liked it, too—didn’t mean that the relationship was healthy. Looking back, I should have pushed until I found someone whose aesthetic was closer to my own. Twisting an artist into being a Picasso when they’re a natural Rembrandt doesn’t work for anyone in the long run, if that makes sense.
In the case of the cover for Lady Reaper, I gave the artist some inspirational art and she put it together quickly. Technically, the monster on the cover is the Grim Reaper (Lady Reaper looks different) but I figure folks can learn that once they read the book.
Thanks for such an excellent question and I hope to stop by again on a future tour!
Author Bio:
Christina Bauer thinks that fantasy books are like bacon: they just make life better. All of which is why she writes romance novels that feature demons, dragons, wizards, witches, elves, elementals, and a bunch of random stuff that she brainstorms while riding the Boston T. Oh, and she includes lots of humor and kick-ass chicks, too.
Christina graduated from Syracuse University’s Newhouse School with BA’s in English along with Television, Radio, and Film Production. She lives in Newton, MA with her husband, son, and semi-insane golden retriever, Ruby.
Be the first to know about new releases from Christina by signing up for her newsletter: http://tinyurl.com/CBupdates
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Giveaway!
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Giveaway – The Gryphon And His Thief by Karen Michelle Nutt @RoxanneRhoads @KMNbooks
Spirits from the Other Side by Karen Michelle Nutt
There were about 158 people there for the event, so my expectations of having a reading were pretty slim.
Book Trailer: https://youtu.be/aXxcvKEDwO4
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“Get a grip,” she warned herself. The gryphon didn’t blink his eyes. Yep, and it didn’t fly from the back room and station itself at the door, either. She gulped and leveled the beam of the flashlight on the statue once more. Only what stood there now was a man, a large man with dark hair, a beard neat and trim…and eyes that glowed like the gryphon’s eyes had.
“You cannot take the item from the museum,” the man’s deep voice boomed with authority meant to intimidate, and his words were flavored with a Greek accent. “You must return it immediately,” he finished the threat. Sure there had been no threat voiced, but she all but heard the ‘or else’ just as clearly as if the words had been spoken.
“Who are you?” she countered, even though she had no right to inquire. Obviously, this man must be the night guardsman. Her gaze slid over his attire and frowned. He wore garments she’d only seen painted on Greek vases and paintings—an intricately designed tunic, a dark colored cloak, and gold sandals adorned his feet. Her one eyebrow lifted. Perhaps he was a thief who liked theatrics. She had an uncle who liked to dress like a caped superhero when he went on his jobs.
She straightened her back and met the guy’s gaze head on. “I think you need to leave, or I’ll call the cops.” She pulled out her cell phone and lit up the screen to prove her point. The guy didn’t have to know she was bluffing. She didn’t want the cops here anymore than he probably did.
He didn’t quite react the way she thought he would. Oh no, he had the audacity to laugh, a deep guttural laugh. “You amuse me human woman,” he told her.
“Human woman?” Okay, this nut-job was off his meds. “Fine, you stay here, and this human woman will say good evening. It’s been a long day. I need to head back to my spaceship before E.T. calls home and tells Mom and Dad I’m late.”
The man’s brows furrowed, deep creases marring his forehead. Maybe she loaded on the crapola a little thick. It was best to end this conversation and get out of Africa—as her father would say—and make like a cheetah on the hunt. She took a few cautious steps toward the front door.
“You will halt,” he demanded with his palm up as if his stance alone could stop her.
Well, yep it did, for a full three seconds. She knew some self-defense moves, but this guy was built like he lifted weights in his sleep just so his bulk didn’t decrease in the middle of the night. It didn’t appear like the front door was an option, but… her gaze latched onto the window next to it. “Oh, hell.” She charged and prayed this old building hadn’t been refurbished with safety glass.
Otherwise, this stunt was really going to hurt.
About the Author:
Karen Michelle Nutt resides in California with her husband. Though her three children are grown and starting their own adventures, she still has a houseful of demanding pets.
When she’s not time traveling, fighting outlaws, or otherworldly creatures, she
creates book covers at Gillian’s Book Covers, “Judge Your Book By Its
Cover”.
Whether your reading fancy is paranormal, time travel or contemporary romances,
all her stories capture the rich array of emotions that accompany the most
fabulous human phenomena—falling in love.
Visit the author at her website: http://www.kmnbooks.com
Blog: http://kmnbooks.blogspot.com
Gillian’s Book Covers, “Judge Your Book By Its Cover”
http://judgeyourbookbyitscover.blogspot.com
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Giveaway – Unusual Light by J Elizaga @RoxanneRhoads @jelizaga1
Chapter 1: An Unusual Call
AT half past midnight, a public safety dispatcher received a familiar but unsettling call. Amid the static and crackle, a voice uttered, “Send help.”
The strange calls started nine months ago, and they always occurred on or near the full moon. The voice supplied only their first name and location. The caller’s name changed every month, but the location stayed the same—Shoreline Hospital morgue. The police officer who responded to the first dispatch spoke with Matt Faulson, the morgue’s overnight security guard. He denied dialing for assistance. The officer walked around the perimeter of the building and witnessed nothing out of the ordinary.
But after three monthly calls involving the same person on duty, the department assigned Officer David Jackson to patrol around the time of the full moon, when they estimated a call would occur. They suspected the twenty-seven-year-old Matt to be the prankster.
Police interviews failed to pin him. Instead, the detectives saw video footage of stationary objects moving randomly in various rooms in the morgue late at night.
The young man admitted to seeing strange activity during his shifts. Adding to the mystery, the city’s emergency dispatch system saved the calls, but the hospital had no record of any of their phones being used.
David arrived at the parking lot with another patrol car at 12:25 a.m. He saw a lone figure sitting on a bench near the morgue’s main entrance.
“Matt.” He approached the security guard with friendly caution. As the guard greeted him, the officer couldn’t help but notice the dark shadows under the young man’s eyes and the ruffled hair. “Man, you look terrible.”
Matt sighed. “There’s not a lot of sleep with the graveyard shift, as you know. I don’t like walking the floors between midnight and one a.m., but I took too long answering an email, and I forgot the time. I rushed through the hallways, and let me tell you, I had more than one sighting,” Matt said. “I guess you received a call?”
David nodded. “You have to get me in there one of these nights. I want to see for myself.”
“I’ll call next time. But I didn’t make the call tonight,” Matt replied. He stood up and prepared to go back in the morgue, but froze. “Oh.”
“What is it?” David asked. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the second officer took a defensive stance.
“A gray entity floated out of the wall to my left,” Matt said softly as he kept his head very still.
David looked as soon as Matt spoke. “I don’t see anything.” He glanced at the other officer.
“I don’t see anything either.”
“Really?” Matt asked as his shoulders dropped. He gingerly turned his head and looked. “Am I the only one who sees ghosts?”
“I’m beginning to believe that,” David replied.
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Giveaway – Hungry Business Maria DeBlassie @EnchantmentLL @RoxanneRhoads
MY REVIEW
Hungry Business by Maria DeBlassie is a quick read horror story with a little snark on the side. Dating during a zombie apocalypse is not and easy thing to do. Are you eating or being eaten? Do they have a heartbeat, even if half their face is missing? Will she be alone for the rest of her days? Is there any point in leaving the house? The cat in the window….
Hungry Business by Maria DeBlassie is an okay read and the cover does intrigue me.
He said he’d love to have you for dinner—but you are careful.
A woman has to be careful. Never give them your address. Don’t drink too much. Be aware of your surroundings at all times. Carry grave dirt to throw at them if they get too forward. Be ready to run to the nearest safe space if needed. The good news is that the Hungries, while persistent, are dumb as fuck (brain rot, you know) and slower than the sickness overtaking their bodies. Unless, of course, they are well fed, which is rarely the case.
This one looks a little better, you think optimistically.
You sit across from each other at the dinner table. The white tablecloth is as smooth and unblemished as his collared shirt. He has dressed for the occasion, taking care to hide the evidence of his affliction as best he can (though truly there is only so much he can do with a missing ear and half a brain). Still, the tuxedo and carefully applied makeup are enough to create the illusion of pumping blood beneath his pallid, blush-stained cheeks—in the right light. Which is another reason why you chose this place. Candlelight can hide a multitude of sins.
His manners are studied and smooth, as if he has spent a lot of time practicing more human-like movements and behavior. You admire a man who makes that kind of effort. He watches you as much as you do him, as if he is trying to remember what it was like to be alive. When you reach for your wine glass, so does he—only his thick decaying fingers almost crush the stem, whereas your nimble live ones carefully bring the dark red liquid to your mouth. You try not to notice how he stares at your lips—stained now from the wine—wondering, perhaps, how you taste. As it turns out, he does get a taste of you. You’ve been surreptitiously picking at a hangnail on your pinky finger—that’s how scintillating the conversation is—when you looked down and realize it is your whole fingernail that has come off. You stare at it in horror, letting the truth of your situation sink in.
At least he has the decency to wait until you’ve left the table before grabbing your napkin and stuffing your bloodied nail in his mouth. A little color comes back into his face. He groans in ecstasy.
Nice to know you could still have that effect on a man.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/enchantmentll
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- You can see my Giveaways HERE.
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Giveaway – A Reservoir Man by L J Ambrosio @iReadBookTours
I am excited to share L J Ambrosio’s Guest Post for A Reservois Man and to be a part of this I Read Book Tours tour.
Guest Post By L.J. Ambrosio, Author of “A Reservoir Man”
Sherry @ Fundimental
Title: “Michael’s Relationships With People”
In the novel, Michael’s relationship with his parents is extremely simple, they love each other. Though Michael always thinks of his parents as the two separate individuals, “Francis” and “Andy,” he never dares call them anything except their proper titles, Mom and Dad. Michael never discusses his life choices with his parents, they always support him in his life’s endeavors, they understand him through the bad and the good. Michael’s relationship with them, though sometimes imperfect, is ideal for his character as a young man coming of age.
In Michael’s first year of college, he develops a very strong relationship with Claire. A marriage of the two characters seems likely at this time. Michael at the same time develops a relationship with a male character named Raphael. Within six months, both relationships end, though Claire and Michael remain friends. These two relationships are symbolic of so many relationships Michael has in his life, people come and go constantly. Somehow, their departure is Michael’s choice.
Michael finds at the end of his life the most unconditional relationships with his children and even his dogs, like Buddy. Though it was a difficult road to bring the children up alone, they both become very successful and stand by him. This is true even of the character, Buddy, with whom Michael reaches one of the greatest moments of catharsis and truth in his entire life. One of the greatest disappointments Michael has in his life, is in the sheer number of friendships where he genuinely sought to help someone, in these instances, the vast majority of these people vanish and never offer anything in return.
Join Us For This Tour From: Sep 6 to Sep 26
Book Details:
Book Title: A Reservoir Man by L.J. Ambrosio
Category: Adult Fiction (18+), 340 pages
Genre: Fictionalized Memoir
Publisher: Self-Published, Amazon
Publication Date: May 25, 2022.
Content Rating: PG-13 +M: There is a few explicit sex scenes, some mentions of sexual abuse, some bad language
Giveaway – The Acre Series by G J Kemp @iReadBookTours @TB5Publishing
I am excited to share The Acre Series by G J Kemp and the process for creating the cover. I am a lover of cover and always curious how the final product is chosen. How about you? Can a cover make you grab a book without looking any further?
Tell us about the process for coming up with the cover.
‘Never judge a book by it’s cover.’ That’s what they say! Yet the book cover is one of the most important parts of the book itself. It’s what makes people reach for the book when they browse along the shelves.
I knew I was writing a series. This meant I needed to think well in advance of what type of style I would like for my book covers. They had to have a theme that would run through each of the covers.
Can you guess some of the decisions I made?
Here are a few.
No faces allowed to be shown. I want my readers to create their own character faces so it is important to me that I don’t influence them through the book cover, but rather the writing itself.
Each book’s colour points to the earth element. Juno is yellow as she is fire. Miles is green as he is earth. Chloe and Dimitri will have their own colours.
Always maintain the same font style and structure. I want my readers to notice another book in the series from afar.
Once I had put all of the above together, it was important to find an artist who bought into my thought process. I went onto many websites and searched for many hours. Eventually I found Andrei. I put a detailed brief together and after a month Andrei came back with some excellent submissions. From there we fine tuned the cover until we had the right style.
Now, Andrei takes half the time to put the book cover together, as he knows exactly what I need.
Its is so important to take your time when you put a book cover together. If at any point you have a feeling that it’s ‘not quite right’, then it definitely isn’t right. Go back and request changes until your book cover makes you feel proud.
Join Us for This Book Series Tour: Sep 6 to Oct 17, 2022Book Series Details:
Book Series Title: THE ACRE SERIES by G.J. Kemp
Category: Adult Fiction (18 +)
Genre: Epic Fantasy
Publisher: TB5 Publishing
Release date: January 2022, May 2022, June 2022, August 2022
Content Rating: PG for a few fight scenes.
From their windows, balconies, and gardens, the residents of the land of Acre stare north at the ominous black clouds that crawl across their beloved skies, overshadowing their homes. Under the clouds, a darkness has befallen the majestic City of Lynn.
Within the city, a cornered Queen, once true and just, now plays a game of cat and mouse with the races of Acre. Each season, as the Queen fights for control, the ‘Unknowns’ from the North approach. With them comes the stench of evil, fear, and death.
But… there is hope. A lost legend now awakened.
A set of dormant orbs lay in the gnarled hands of an old man. One by one, the dull orbs spark and swirl to life. Somewhere within the City of Lynn, the scroll of equals remains hidden. It’s text, supplied by the gods, awaits the chosen who may one day save the land of Acre.
Or so the legend says.
AMAZON ~ Book Depository
BookBub
Giveaway & Guest Post – The Mermaid and the Unicorns by L T Getty @GoddessFish
I love mermaids and unicorns, so I am super excited to share The Mermaid and the Unicorns by L T Getty. Isn’t this a gorgeous cover? And how about this fantastic guest post. Horses are such an elegant animal to watch. (guest post images linked to Wikipedia)
Ten Horses found in Mythology throughout the world
The horse is so iconic in our ancient myth and folklore, when I found myself researching what I thought would be an easy topic I found myself having a hard time narrowing it down. To qualify for this list specifically, the horse itself had to have supernatural qualities or features, as opposed to the many relatively ordinary yet magnificent steeds owned by famous literary and legendary figures. I also considered characters like Shadowfax from The Lord of the Rings, but decided against more modern depictions but feel free to discuss them below.
When I was researching this article I found that there was at times a bit of conflicting information (I’m looking at you, Pegasus). For the most part I’m going to go with the most common interpretation or origin. I encourage you to read more on the articles or discuss below.
- Hippocampus
The name coming from the Greek tradition, although there were similar depictions among the Picts, Phoencians and Etruscans. The mythical water horse is said have the front half of a horse, with the back half of a fish, and was said to pull Poseidon’s underwater chariot.
- Pegasus
The most common greek story the winged horse was named Pegasus, which came out of the head of Medusa after Perseus slew Medusa, but today the name has become synonymous with most winged horses in the western tradition. The winged horses are found throughout the world in myth and legend, from the traditional mounts of the Norse Valkyries and the Korean Chollima, if I try to start naming them all I’m likely to forget one.
- Tulpar
The tulpar was a winged or swift horse found inside Turkish folklore, and is on the official state emblem of Kazakhstan, Mongolia and Bashkortostan. The wings were not necessarily to indicate flight, but speed.
4) Uchchaihshravas
A seven-headed flying horse said to be created at the churning of the milk oceans. Uchchaihshravras is said to be the greatest horse, and was taken by Indra, king of the gods and used as his own personal mount but is also recorded as the horse of Bali, king of the asuras (demons).
- Sleipnir
Odin’s seven-legged horse, said to be fathered by Svaðilfari and er… “mothered” by Loki when he was in the shape of a mare. Look, if you read Norse Mythology, you’ll know that this isn’t the least weird thing Loki has done. We could circle back to an earlier tangent on Pegasus if you’d like, but moving on…
6) Centaur
Okay, this one’s a bit of a cheat. They have the body of a horse, but the upper body of a man or woman. Originating from ancient Greek mythology, centaurs were sometimes rumoured to be more like wild horses, and were often depicted kidnapping human women.
7) Kelpie
A Scottish fae creature with shape shifting abilities, could appear human or in the shape of a horse. Virtually every significant body of water in Scotland is associated with some Kelpie. In horse shape, it would bid the unsuspecting rider to mount, then would take them to the nearest body of water and drown them, or at least give them a solid dunking.
8) Each-Uisge (Ech-ooshkya) (Scottish) or Aughisky (Agh-iski) (Irish)
Very similar to the kelpie, these were the more vicious variations. These shapeshifter horses were also of a tradition to let the rider on their backs, although they could take the shape of a handsome young man to come courting. However if they smelled water, their skin would become adhesive take their rider to it and drown, and then devour them, leaving behind only their liver.
9) Quilin
Another bit of a cheat, the quilin often is depicted in the west as a Chinese Unicorn, but they often have very distinct physical differences that aliken them sometimes more similar to a dragon. The quilin is scaled and often depicted with the body like a deer or a horse, and are almost depicted with hooves, and their appearance is often associated with the impending death of a sage or ruler. They have similar depictions in the Japanese and Korean mythology where they are called Kirin.
10) Unicorn
Unicorns have become synonymous with goodness and purity, and were often hunted for their horns, which were said to be able to cure poison. The trick was luring the unicorn, in which the help of a virgin was necessary to lull it to sleep. The unicorn is often depicted as very similar to a horse, but having some key differences; almost always they are depicted with a single horn. Some times these features include the tail of a lion and the cloven hooves of a goat, as well as the depiction of wings, although a more modern term naming unicorns with wings alicorns.
These are just ten mythical horses found throughout culture, and they’ve been depicted in many tales of folklore and legend, and many are staples in fantasy movies and literature to this day. What are some of your favourites above, and not on the list? What would you like to see more of? Who are your favourite individual horses as characters? Is Starlite from Rainbow Brite really the most magnificent horse, or do you prefer She-ra’s Swift Wind? Comment below.
What an awesome post. Thanks so much for sharing L T.
The Mermaid and the Unicorns by L.T. Getty
GENRE: Middle Grade Fantasy Adventure
BLURB
Daphne’s a typical mermaid, and at least according to her, that’s a problem. She’s courageous and has a beautiful singing voice, but lacks the power of an elemental, the ability to command water with the sound of her voice. Jealous of her best friend, she makes a deal with a sea-witch, only to be betrayed, in place of her beautiful tail and flukes Daphne’s left beached with a pair of human legs. The spell keeping Daphne looking human will become permanent, unless Daphne can hunt down and bring the scheming Lorelei a unicorn horn before the next full moon.
Unable to reach her friends and family for help, Daphne doesn’t know how to walk, much less where to find a unicorn or how to catch one. Even if she’s successful, Daphne’s still not sure if she can trust Lorelei and her pint-sized kraken to keep their end of the bargain and let her return to the sea.
EXCERPT
“What’s Pass the Lumberjack’s Hat Around?” she asked Esperanza once the other girl got called to go work the front.
“Possibly the worst song in existence,” Esperanza said. “You know how sometimes songs don’t make sense? At all?”
“Yeah,” Daphne said. “But sometimes, people don’t understand the hidden meaning…”
Esperanza arched an eyebrow, cleared her throat, then began to tap her foot before singing,
“Throw the mouses in the skittle
Round and Round a hey diddle-diddle!
Rubes be dark and ducks do quack,
Shall My Lady Love turn back?”
Daphne tried not to laugh. “You just made that up.”
“It gets better,” Esperanza said, still tapping.
“Round the goose to my captain’s ball,
The goat’s favourite clover is a free-for-all!
Dirty socks all about the town,
Pass the lumberjack’s hat around!”
Esperanza stopped tapping and made a face. “Fortunately, you need a half-gallon jug filled a third to blow, three people playing the spoons, and two violins to get an idea what it’s supposed to sound like. It’s also supposed to have a cowbell and a really loud drum, but most people just clang on whatever they find.”
Daphne said, “Can you teach me a song that would be appropriate for the contest?”
“Sure. I know what a bunch of the others said they were doing, so that way you won’t have anyone singing the same thing. I can teach you Maid in Mourning or Velvet Tears in less than an hour. Is there a specific song you’d like to learn?”
“Maybe something a little less weepy,” Daphne suggested.
“Okay—how about The Forlorn Rose or Indigo Woods? You’re allowed a single person for accompaniment…”Esperanza kept talking, but Daphne overheard one of the girls whistling, and then, someone sang,
“Shoo bee doo my feet turned blue”
“Dancing round and around my nose achoo!” sang the girl, sweeping nearby.
“The Duke’s in the henhouse and the earl’s a clown,”
“PASS THE LUMBERJACK’S HAT AROOOOUND!” sang the artist, horribly, from the main room.
“I don’t pay you lot to sing!” Irene shouted from where she worked near the ovens, but like all bad songs, the little diddy had caught on like wildfire.
“Pass the Lumberjack’s hat around, hat around, hat around,
“Pass the Lumberjack’s hat around,
“Until we get some GRAVY!”
Almost everyone in the bakery was stomping and clapping. One of the girls was dancing a jig on a table because she knew Irene couldn’t see her.
AUTHOR Bio and Links
L.T. Getty is a rural paramedic from Manitoba. She enjoys writing science fiction and fantasy and generally being creative.
Amazon (American) / Amazon (Canadian) / Kobo / BarnesandNobles
Author Links: My Blog
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Giveaway – The Cannibal’s Guide To Fasting by Dana Hammer @GoddessFish
I had to share this for the title alone. It cracks me up!!!!!!
I am a sucker for a great cover and it’s usually the first thing that hooks me. I am happy to have Dana Hammer here to share her thoughts of the cover for her latest novel, The Cannibal’s Guide To Fasting.
The Cover — The Cannibal’s Guide to Fasting
First of all, I just want to thank the folks at Cinnabar Moth for putting together such an awesome cover. I myself have never been good at graphic design. To give you some idea of how bad at graphic design I am — I created the programs for my mother’s funeral … and they were vetoed. They were so bad that people simply could not allow them to be used, even at the risk of offending a grieving daughter. So any graphic designer who does a good job is basically a godlike magician in my eyes.
The cover for The Cannibal’s Guide to fasting shows a bunch of pressed wildflowers on the front. Igor, my main character, presses wildflowers as a hobby, and as a distraction from his craving for human meat. In his former life, as a research scientist, he thought botany was a silly hobby, not worthy of serious consideration. Now, he spends his free time pressing, observing, and meticulously labeling the specimens he collects. The pressed wildflowers are a symbol for how his world has changed.
The back cover features a tomato-based beverage. For legal reasons, this beverage does not have a name, but if you read the book, you will likely be able to guess what it is. I was especially pleased with the drink graphic, and I think it turned out beautifully.
The Cannibal’s Guide to Fasting by Dana Hammer
GENRE: Comedic horror
BLURB
Igor Fenenko, a former research scientist, is
a scary, scary man. Not only is he a massive bodybuilder with a spider tattooed
on his face, he has also been infected with Pestis Manducans — viral
cannibalism. Igor tried to resist indulging, but his research specimens smelled
so delicious. Who did it hurt, really, to nibble a corpse?
Caught, disgraced, and sent to a ‘rehabilitation’
center, Igor is now forced to live in a government-mandated Containment Center.
He spends his days pressing wildflowers, growing blueberries, and doing his
best to avoid human meat. More than anything, he wants a cure for the virus
that has ruined his life.
Igor’s brother, Karl, is also infected with Pestis.
But unlike Igor, he does not live in a Containment Center. He lives down by the
river, where he runs a cannibal rights group. At first, the group seems
harmless enough, if a bit creepy and overzealous. But when Igor discovers their
evil practices, he is forced to intervene.
Aided and opposed by rich eccentrics who have their
own agendas, Igor must use brains and muscles to find a cure while fighting the
urge to turn brains and muscles into a delicious lunch.
EXCERPT
Igor’s home is a single-wide trailer in a “community” that the government has set up for former cannibals. Decent, lawabiding, non-infected folks do not want man-eaters to live in their neighborhoods, but they won’t go so far as to demand executions for the infected, and so the forced cannibal community was born.
For a time, the infected were held in prisons and jails, until those became too overcrowded, and the state was forced to find other solutions. Now, the official plan of action is this: identify the cannibals, send them to a treatment center, and then house them in secure, guarded communities with their own kind.
Igor’s community is one of the nicer ones. The trailers are small but clean, and the neighborhood is kept tidy and quiet. Each trailer even has a small patch of lawn, for residents to use as they please. Igor uses his for fruit and vegetable gardening. Some other people plant flowers, and some of them plant nothing at all, but fill their yards with furniture or above-ground pools.
Other communities aren’t so lucky. Igor is grateful for his home, despite the security guards who occasionally take their jobs a bit too seriously. Despite the constant scrutiny of the inspectors, despite the fact that his ID lists his address as “High Risk Containment Center” and that any time he has to show that ID to anyone, he gets glares or looks of disgust or flat refusals of service. He is grateful, because without it, and without a job, and without anyone willing to take him in, he would likely be homeless.
AUTHOR Bio and Links
Dana Hammer is a novelist, screenwriter and playwright. She has won over forty awards and honors for her writing, few of which generated income, all of which were deeply appreciated. She is not a cannibal.
Website / Facebook / Amazon Buy Link
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Giveaway – Ruby Red by D L Croisette @GoddessFish @DLCroisette
Welcome D. I am so happy to have you here today. I loved your ‘Dream Come True’ guest post. You are an inspiration to writer want to bes out there. Congratulations.
Turning A Dare into a Dream Come True
In early 2021, I lost my corporate job. I could have wallowed in defeat, eaten a few tubs of ice cream and sunk into my couch to binge Netflix. Or dusted off my resume and jumped back into the corporate world, working to make someone else’s dream come true.
Instead, I took a chance and chose me. My dream. My happiness.
Writing has always been a passion of mine. I tried to wrangle writing into my day-to-day job, but it was never enough, nor the right fit for me. I often referring to boardrooms to boredrooms because besides a lot of talking, not much seemed to get done. Unlike my evening, which were usually spend jotting down the adventures of the characters in my head. Things got serious after a dare from a friend. At lunch, my friends and I listened to one of our group complain about a recent romance story she’d finished reading. She was disappointed that yet another alpha male lead character won over the heart of a ray of sunshine female character.
My friend turned to me and suggested I could write a better hero and a more romantic story. I laughed—I wasn’t a romance writer. She dared me to prove her wrong. That afternoon, the concept of a role reversal distracted me; an alpha female lead character who wins the heart of a ray of sunshine male character. Ali popped into my head and said, “Write about me. I’m perfect for this role.”
I went home that night and wrote the first three chapters of Ruby Red – A Romance. Two months later, I had a complete first draft of Ali and Sam’s love story. I’m proud to say Ali remained bold and feisty throughout the book and her paramour, Sam is kind, supportive and a dreamy beta hero who lets Ali take the lead. Happily.
Thanks to the dare, I was now officially a romance writer. I’ve never looked back, loving writing romance. (Pardon the pun.)
Thanks to that round of layoffs, I’m a published romance author as well. The day after I lost my job, I submitted my romance story to Champagne Book Group. A month later, we were negotiating a publishing contract. I chose Champagne Books, because as a smaller publisher, they afford the freedom to retain the essence of my writing style. In May of 2022, Ruby Red – A Romance hit the virtual bookshelves to rave reviews. And not only from my mom.
Ruby Red is a riches-to-rags, hidden identity, slow burn contemporary romance high on emotion and drama. This steamy love story promises dollops of drama, a few laughs and plenty of passion.
24 yr. old Ali Stinson is living the high life now she is no longer under the thumb of her cheating ex-husband. But behind her red lipstick, designer clothes and gala-lifestyle hides a damaged, lonely heart. Influenced by her married rich friend and pressured to keep up with the “in” crowd, Ali attempts to fill a void with frivolous distractions and emotionless one-night stands.
Sam Freemont has recently arrived in town seeking a fresh start and trying to eek out a living in his new circumstances. A chance encounter with a red-lipped, raven-haired beauty at his place of work turns Sam’s world upside down and threatens to expose the secret he is desperately trying to hide.
When Ali discovers her money embezzled by her financial manager, she has two choices: admit defeat or accept the help of the one man she might just lose her heart to. Defeat is not in Ali’s DNA. Will Sam’s secret destroy the delicate trust she has placed in him or will love conquer all?
What a fabulous story D. I wish you many more books in your future. Congratulations!
Ruby Red by D. L. Croisette
GENRE: Contemporary Romance
BLURB
One
night stands only need apply.
Ali Stinson is having a bad day. Her afternoon tryst was interrupted (before
they got to the good part) to discover her investment manager ran away with all
her money. Now she has to keep up appearances with her high society friends,
find a dress for an upcoming charity event, and not fall in love with Sam, the
cute bartender, who insists on helping her. Thing is, she’s 90% sure she
doesn’t want help. Adulting is hard.
Looking for work, not love.
Sam Freemont is having a strange day. He was in the middle of the best kiss of
his life when his boss walked in and halted the fun, which is not helping with
the low profile he’s trying to maintain. Now he can’t get Ali off his mind or
out of his dreams. Good thing she’s a regular at the swanky resort he just
started working at. Gives him time to find a way back to her lips. Or better
yet, into her heart.
EXCERPT
Did Sam really just say she was the most beautiful woman in the world?
Despite her deplorable situation, Ali couldn’t help but smile. This man did have a way with words. His texts over the past few days always found a way to make things a little better.
Also, talking to him helped. A lightness she’d missed for a long time expanded in her chest. It hadn’t been an easy decision to tell someone and lay her problems before him, yet the confession came naturally. When she’d bumped into him at the café, relief at seeing him there had rushed in.
Kate walking in had frozen her, like a deer in headlights. As her senses returned, Ali’s first instinct was to run. Even though she didn’t stop to acknowledge the gesture, Ali assumed Sam wouldn’t refuse her plea for help.
His kindness, his open heartedness made it easy for her to tell him the details of her circumstances. He hadn’t judged her or laughed at her. Rather, he accepted her for what she was. Plus, there was his offer to help.
This guy was too good to be true.
There had to be some catch she wasn’t seeing. Or maybe she should stop holding Sam to the low standards of the other men in her life and try accepting him for who he was. She decided to trust him.
AUTHOR Bio and Links
D.L. Croisette is a storyteller. She had characters in her head before she had words in her mouth. Now she spins them into romantic stories full of drama and heart. Collector of international friends, avid traveller and always up for a new adventure, she snaps photos to remember each escapade, and peppers the best experiences into her stories. Ruby Red is her debut romance novel, and she’s probably at an outdoor café right now, dreaming up a bold new heroine to stir up trouble.
Drop by www.dlcroisette.com for a romantic quote, behind-the-scene goodies or to say hi.
- Website/Blog URL: https://www.dlcroisette.com
- Twitter : https://twitter.com/dlcroisette
- Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/dlcroisette
- Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/dlcroisette
- TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dlcroisette
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dlcroisette
- Goodreads: https://goodreads.com/author/show/19932120.D_L_Croisette
- Amazon buy link: https://amzn.to/3QA6141
Follow the tour and comment. The more you comment, the better your chances of winning. Follow the tour HERE.
- You can see my Giveaways HERE.
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- If you like what you see, why don’t you follow me?
- Look on the right sidebar and let’s talk.
- Leave your link in the comments and I will drop by to see what’s shakin’.
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