Tag Archives: humorous and comical adult reading

Giveaway – Warming My Heart by MIchelle Cornish @Chellevester @XpressoTours

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Warming My Winter Heart
Michelle Cornish
Publication date: November 22nd 2020
Genres: Adult, Comedy, Contemporary, Romance

You can’t run from love forever . . .

When Lexi Blair comes home to Little City from LA for Christmas, she gets the surprise of her life—the ex-fiancé she thought was dead is very much alive and wants her back!

It’s Christmas Eve and Lexi’s seen a ghost. Or . . . she thought he was a ghost until her mom admits to faking his death so Lexi would come home for Christmas.

After a humiliating run-in with her ex—which results in Lexi disowning her mother—she hides out at her best friend’s tree farm, babysitting a nameless puppy while her friend and hubby tend to a family emergency.

But farm life comes with a few perks Lexi isn’t expecting—mainly a hunky farmhand who’s helping Lexi run the place until her friends return.

While Lexi ran from Little City, John ran to it, and she quickly learns he’s healing from past hurts of his own.

Can Lexi and John stop running before it’s too late?

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EXCERPT:

Before long, Mom has dinner on the table, and when we’re seated, she says grace. Mom’s always loved going to church on Christmas Eve, but after her big fight with Aunt Flora, she started going every Sunday and doing things like saying grace.

Dad gives me a fully loaded, sideways look that says, “Yeah, your mother still hasn’t talked to your aunt and we still do these things to make it okay in her eyes.” I give him a nod. Does he know what they fought about that Christmas? He took a misdirected punch while he and Ian pulled Mom and her sister apart. That was before Ian became the biggest boob on the planet. Ugh.

“Oh, Lexi, I almost forgot.” Mom draws my attention back to the present. She grabs a box from the kitchen. “I got Christmas crackers.” Ooh. Seems hardly worth it for the three of us, but I do love Christmas crackers. Their gold and silver foil shines as Mom hands one to Dad and me then places one next to her own plate.

I look inside the cracker for the pull tab and grip it firmly then cross my arms, offering the Christmas cracker to Mom on my right and reaching for Dad’s cracker with my right hand.

“Ready?” Mom says. I’m transported back in time as I nod then Mom issues her standard Christmas cracker instructions. “On three. One . . . two . . . three!”

We all pull hard on our crackers against each other and our three little crackers pop and snap while bits of ripped paper scatter across the table. If Mom and Dad had a cat, it would have run for cover.

“Ooh, look,” Mom says. “I got a magnifying glass.” An urge to make a snarky comment about Mom’s eyesight and “how did the Christmas elves know?” pops into my head, but I let it go. I just got here, no need to start a fight just yet.

I check the table for my prize while Dad holds up a giant sparkly paperclip. “Not sure what this is about,” he says.

“It’s a bookmark, dear.” Mom touches Dad’s hand as she says it. She must have splurged on the premium crackers that encourage you to spend more money by showing you on the back of the package what you’ll get.

Something shiny catches my eye on the floor. “Ooh,” I say, leaning over in my chair to pick up my prize. “I got a pen.” I hold it up like it’s some kind of trophy. At least it’s something useful. I place it on the table right next to the fuschia paper crown that also spewed forth from the Christmas cracker.

“Put on your crown.” Mom flutters her hand in my direction. She’s already wearing hers. Dad somehow “accidentally” ripped his, so it won’t stay on his head. Lucky guy. I put on the crown. My cheeks burn a bit, and I feel like I’m ten again—the last year I remember actually liking these silly crowns. I scan the table hoping a bottle of wine has materialized in the last few minutes. Nope.


Author Bio:

Michelle Cornish is a recovering CPA with a passion for stories. Writing mostly romance and women’s fiction with strong female heroines, Michelle’s books often include nods to her former life as a CPA. When Michelle’s not writing, she’s hanging out with her two boys and husband in the beautiful Okanagan Valley, BC, Canada.

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Giveaway & Excerpt – Grave Humor by R J Blain @rj_blain @XpressoTours

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Grave Humor
R.J. Blain
(A Magical Romantic Comedy)
Publication date: May 12th 2020
Genres: Adult, Comedy, Paranormal, Romance

Most days, Anwen regrets working at a funeral home despite the good pay. With the residents no longer inclined to stay in their coffins where they belong, she’s got her hands full making sure everyone follows the rules:

In the funeral home, there is no screaming, no murdering, no mutilation, no possessions, no kidnappings, no resurrections, and no cursing of any type. Be quiet and stay polite.

The day Old Man McGregor decides to take a walk and disturbs her peace, Anwen learns there’s a lot more to the basement in the funeral home than a vampire and a handsome gentleman on ice.

If she’s not careful, she’ll learn first-hand why ‘eternally yours’ is the most potent of threats.

Warning: this novel contains romance, humor, bodies, shenanigans, and mythological puppies. Proceed with caution.

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EXCERPT

Had I been smarter or wiser, I never would’ve accepted the job offer at the funeral home. With my prospects few and far between, I hadn’t had a choice, not really. Who else would hire an eighteen-year-old high school drop out?

I could type.

Dead bodies didn’t bother me.

When the dead started chatting up a storm, I ignored them until the priest arrived. I almost liked the days when the corpses got talkative. The boss paid me triple the normal hourly rate per incident, and if nobody screamed, a gift card would magically appear on my desk the following morning. Without fail, the gift card would be for the grocery store, and it would offer me the rare opportunity to enjoy a luxury.

Luxuries came few and far between.

Tomorrow, I would take my gift card, fondle some honey rocks until I found the perfect pair to take home with me, and I’d crack them open and go to town on their sweet, sweet insides. I sighed happily at the thought of two perfect melons all for me.

It really was the little things in life.

“It’s no fun if you don’t scream, Anwen m’dear,” Old Man McGregor groused. “Must you suck all the joy from my funeral?”

“Your funeral is at noon tomorrow,” I reminded him. That was the problem with the newly dead. They got lost on the way, refusing to leave their bodies until someone came to lay them to their final rest. Old Man McGregor could make my life a living hell if I wasn’t careful.

In life, he’d enjoyed yanking on chains for the fun of it.

In death, all he had to do was sit up to yank on the entire town’s chain.

Author Bio:

RJ Blain suffers from a Moleskine journal obsession, a pen fixation, and a terrible tendency to pun without warning.

In her spare time, she daydreams about being a spy. Her contingency plan involves tying her best of enemies to spinning wheels and quoting James Bond villains until satisfied.

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Giveaway, Guest Post & Review – Cookies: Sluts of the Snack World by Ken La Salle

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GUEST POST (a journey into the mind of Ken La Salle)

As a writer, my strategy has always been to write the kinds of books I would like to read. This allows me to write in any genre I like and in whatever style I like. I’ve written horror novels (such as Wormfood Island), memoirs, love stories, and anything my heart desires.

But, at some point, writing the kinds of books I liked to read took a back seat to writing the kinds of books I felt publishers might like to read. I had self-published plenty of titles but I wanted the kind of distribution (and, I thought, marketing attention) available to a publisher.

One afternoon, as I was walking through a shopping mall parking lot with my wife (which is how these stories always begin), I was grousing about the constraints I felt as a result in this shift. When Vicky asked what I would write if I could, the answer that came out to the surprise of us both was “a series of children’s books for adults.” Like children’s books, each title would use some cute, little thing to create a lesson. Unlike children’s books, each cute, little thing would be twisted into the kind of lesson I felt adult children could use.

Thus, came Cookies: Sluts of the Snack World, the first book in a series I call Fun To Grow On. Cookies tells the story of a chocolate chip cookie with herpes who is looking for God to cure his rather incurable… affliction. Where are the benefits in looking to God for the answers to all of our problems? Therein lies the lesson. The follow-up was Puppies: Best in Stew. There will be five books in the entire series.

Since I’d already been producing my own audiobooks, I decided to make these audiobooks a little different, with a nod to my background in theater, and a bit more immersive.

What I didn’t realize was just how much Cookies would change how I looked at things. Because this experience got me thinking about the limits in audiobooks; how they’re all kind of the same old thing. Audiobooks never take you to an art museum or to the moon or to the inside of a live volcano – and it was this realization that brought forth The Most Amazing Book You’ve Ever Heard In Your Entire Life (and you’re not worth it). The Most Amazing Book is truly unlike any other audiobook in that it’s not just a story and that it uses “theater of the mind” to take the reader on a journey.

And that gave me the idea to go all the way and produce my first comedy album, inspired by “theater of the mind” innovators such as The Firesign Theatre and Monty Python. That album is due to be released early in 2016.

You never quite know where one decision will take you. My advice is to hold on and enjoy it for all its worth!

Add me to Goodreads

Cover:  Ashley Nicole Stark

MY REVIEW

WARNING:  Adult language and Cookie erotica. LOL

I have been reading some heavy books and wanted something that is the total opposite. I guess you could call Cookies: Sluts of the Snack World a Cookie fairy tale or a fable. It is a tale with a moral to the story.

All I can say is SUCCESS! Laughter abounds in this creatively told story of a cookie with a problem.

Chocolate chip cookies are cookies with herpes.

I mean, really…think about it. With a start like that, I was laughing my way through the very first page. This is one Cookie’s story.

How does Ken La Salle come up with something so off the wall?

How do you tell if a cookie is male or female? Come on Ken, share the secret.

OMG, I just can’t quit laughing. A word of warning, you may not want to read this in public. People may think you are crazy when you start laughing hysterically.

Cookie scenarios keep running through my mind. Cookie genitalia. Cookie sex. Cookie VD. Do you believe there is a Cookie God?

Well, he is determined to speak to him, the Supreme Cookie Imperious, who can be found at the mall. The big question is how will he get there.

Danger abounds and it is best to keep a low profile, but also, life is short, so live it to the fullest.

You may be afraid to eat anything, unless you have grown it yourself, after reading Cookies: Sluts of the Snack World.

They discuss the badness of big business and the one percent, along with food manipulation.

Cookies: Sluts of the Snack World by Ken La Salle is a rip roaring laughfest picture book for adults. The premise is so original and creative, my head is still spinning. There is a moral to the story and it may keep you thinking long after the laughter has ended.

I received a copy of Cookies: Sluts of the Snack World by Ken La Salle in return for an honest review.

Animated Animals. Pictures, Images and Photos  5 Stars

SYNOPSIS

Goodreads Blurb:  Are the voices in your head listening to you? Oh yes. Yes, they are listening to you. They know what you’re saying. Sometimes, they talk back. Sometimes, they sing along. Sometimes, they write children’s book with hidden messages placed in plain sight with a neon bow because, hey, a little style never hurt anyone. (This, of course, ignores the Great Style Massacre of 1973.)

Welcome to “Fun To Grow On” – the new children’s book series for ADULTS. These books are not for little children or big babies. Each story is filled with blood and violence, sex and swearing – Seriously. This series is for adults. These are not parodies of children’s books but original stories for adults who still have a lot to learn… as do we all.

“Fun To Grow On” presents the very first book in the series… Cookies: Sluts of the Snack World!

When a cookie gets herpes, he decides to ask God for a cure. Can he find God in time?
Someone fed a chocolate chip cookie equal parts of blinding self-awareness, cranberry vodka, and shrooms and asked him to tell his story. Here it is, with all the pageantry you would expect from a cookie… which is probably a whole lot less than you would desire.

Cookies: Sluts of the Snack World (Fun To Grow On Book 1) ~~~~~~~~~~~~

GIVEAWAY

Ken La Salle is offering two ebooks for the giveaway. All you need to do is answer the question and leave your email so I can notify you if you win.

What is your favorite cookie?

Giveaway runs 12/15 – 12/29/15

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